We all know there is no perfect science to being a parent. Helping to guide young people through turbulent teenage times can be difficult and challenging and sometimes there is just no way we can be aware of the darker thoughts that may be haunting our sons or daughters.
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A local psychologist (who did not wish to be named) has shared some professional advice on the subject saying that adolescent depression often looks very different to adult depression and adolescents can be more vulnerable than other age groups because of the nature of their stage of life.
“Adolescents have not yet mastered the distress tolerance skills that most adults acquire along the way as they ride the ups and downs of life’s path. So when adolescents experience, what other adults would consider a moderate stressor/disappointment/hurtful experience, they do not yet have the emotional resilience to soothe themselves emotionally, to hold onto their confidence and self-esteem, to avoid seeing themselves through others’ eyes. They succumb to desperate measures to find relief from intense low feelings. They do not yet understand that these feelings are temporary,” the psychologist said.
”Most adults learn along the way that they can survive negative, disappointing experiences, that things will eventually improve again, that life will carry them forward, through this difficult phase. This is mainly because adults have lived long enough to have the perspective that time provides us with. Of course, adolescents do not yet have that kind of perspective, making them much more vulnerable to thinking: I can’t get through this, or I'm never going to feel OK again.”
The psychologist explained: “The cognitive "growth spurt” that adolescents undergo make them able, for the first time, to employ abstract thinking in relation to the world around them. Whist this is very useful in helping them to develop cognitively and emotionally, it can sometimes make them feel very disillusioned with the world. When reality often doesn’t match up with their expectations and it leaves them feeling angry, alienated, discontented. Their parental figures often represent that imperfect “reality” and become the target of the adolescent’s anger. Therefore it is often not the parents that adolescents tend to turn to when they are struggling emotionally. Parents might think that their teenager is just ‘being a typical teenager’ when they may, in fact be quite depressed.”
And because adolescents are often impulsive and impetuous in their decisions and actions they can act before they have thought through the implications of their actions and this can lead to fatal outcomes.
“Adolescent depression manifests different from adult depression. While there is the same degree of low mood, teenagers can seem to experience periods of reasonably good mood and then slip back into despair very abruptly. That can give observers the impression that they are not as depressed as they actually may be.”
The psychologist suggested a number of strategies that may help:
Check in regularly with your teenage son or daughter about their mental health, even if they seem OK, but especially when they have become socially withdrawn, and if they don’t seem to enjoy the things they used to enjoy.
Ask directly if they have thoughts about suicide. If they haven’t, make a deal with them that they should speak to you if they ever do think about it.
Seek out the help of a therapist at the earliest signs of depression. There is no harm in getting a psychological assessment done, even if it turns out that the young person is OK. There’s no harm done by being too careful about whether the person actually needs to see a therapist or not. Having spoken with a therapist at least once, will add another resource which they could choose to use in times of stress in the future.
Give your teenage children the websites for some online help such as Headspace, beyondblue, Black Dog.
However, it’s important to note that some adolescents do not exhibit any warning signs outwardly at all because they do not want others to prevent them from taking their lives.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a crisis, help is available at any time
Lifeline 131 114
MensLine 1300 789 978
Beyondblue 1300 224 636
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