That would certainly surprise me.

But given my energetic eating style, I probably wouldn’t find out until I started wondering why the brown sauce tasted so gritty.

So what’s next?

Will hairdressers start placing chewing gum in our hair as an unexpected surprise?

Will optometrists start placing crushed glass in our eyes?

Will dentists start placing powdered dog turd in our mouths as an unexpected surprise?

It makes you wonder where society is heading.

Like the ancient Romans, we seem to be in constant need of more and more exotic stimulation.

I’m still waiting for the ultimate reality show to turn up on TV: a hunting show with humans as the quarry and a million dollar prize for evading the hunter.

Still, maybe we should at least occasionally provide our spouses with unexpected surprises.

In the case of my own darling wife, it wouldn’t be hard.

For example, it would be an entirely unexpected surprise for her if I suddenly started actually listening to what she was saying rather than starting to respond before she finishes.

It would be an unexpected surprise for her if I volunteered to cook even occasionally (I do wash up, usually).

It would be an unexpected surprise for her if I stopped constantly carping about the poor service that seems to me meted out just to me.

And it would be an unexpected surprise for her if I suddenly stopped bagging the USA at every opportunity for treating the rest of the world as its private property/quarry/oil well/military base/dumping ground.

On second thoughts, I think I’ll just dish up a pile of dirt one night.